Dear Reader,
Bear with me a minute while I publicly process what's going on in my head. I promise I won't be calling any of you racists or say you're prejudice....my blog, so it's all about me!
I won't belabor what all Americans have seen over the last year and half, but especially over the last few months. Suffice it to say that along with millions of my fellow citizens, I feel sucker punched. This is a wake up call, hopefully for the entire nation but also for myself.
Let's wind back to Saturday November 5, 2016. Kip and I were going to a local gun shop to look at what was available for purchase for 9mm. We pull into a parking lot the "correct" way and a car from out of state pulls in against the "correct" way and causes us to stop our truck quickly before parking. He pulls into a spot, erratically backs up, and then parks in a different spot. We decided to park far away. As we're getting out of the truck to go to the gun shop, a black man is getting out of the out of state car. He's got an AK-47 hung around his shoulder and a pistol tucked into the back waistband of his pants. And immediately our minds went to places about mass destruction, election night looting/rioting, and other nefarious ideas. Inside the gun shop, he was looking for large amounts of ammo and couldn't get it there.
Now, Maine is an open carry state, but this is the first time I've seen anything more than a pistol in public. Openly carrying a weapon like this would shock me anyway. But...where my mind went when I saw WHO was carrying it....well, let's just say I was shocked and immediately thought...jesus christ, I'm a racist!!! I just totally racially profiled this guy! I was appalled with myself. But it confirmed that I voted for the president I felt that would help stop this way of thinking.
Fast forward to Tuesday/Wednesday...it's all just a blur to me. I was on the local ballot for a County Commissioner seat so some of the results really did affect me personally. I watched in disbelief as a temperamental, openly hateful man stole our election. His "rigged" election seems to be in his favor. I was not the only racist in this country...there were over fifty five million other ones. I cried, I screamed, I rocked myself in comfort. I went off on my kids for not voting...not voting for me and not voting against this bastard. I was an emotional wreck and totally and completely irrational. Most of you who really know me can attest that this is a bit out of character. I tend to keep a lot of stuff tucked inside my head. These kinds of emotions are saved for only a few people and it's very private. I was alone but I still let the emotions slipped out to others close to me.
Wednesday I was in a huge funk. I barely ate. I hardly moved. I certainly didn't watch TV. I actually watched Christmas movies (again ask my friends how unlikely this is) because I had to believe there was still hope in the world and what has more hope than a Christmas movie? I started reading "The Handmaid's Tale" because it was referenced a lot on social media. I engaged with very few people. My emotions were raw and I was simply not sure 1) how to process everything, 2) how to reconcile what our country has done with my own world view, and 3) who I was. I won't bore you with all of the details. Suffice it to say that it was a day for reflection.
I interacted with one friend who said something to me that really came off very sexist and racist. I won't post it here, I won't call that person out. All I know is that on a day where emotions were very high across our entire nation, this was the absolutely wrong thing to say. I called them out on what they said and the response was more anger and accusations instead of an acknowledgement that perhaps this wasn't the time and those weren't the words. Of course, I'm just a progressive, sensitive, pussy, libtard right? Of course I took offense to what was said...I care too much about political correctness. Or at least, that is what I knew I would soon be accused of. And I pretty much was accused of those things in the retort of being tired of being called "racist" and "sexist." And I saw this played out thousands of times over and over again on social media. We, the nation, needed a moratorium on talking with each other about this. Emotions were high across the board.
So, let's move forward to my echo chamber. I'm not sure who posted it on Wednesday but someone mentioned that they had created their own echo chamber. They cut out the static of what the right was saying/posting. So, they were insulated, by their own hands, from what the other side was truly saying. I did the same thing...I un-followed friends that consistently re-posted fantastical tales and memes put out by the alt-right. I tried to reason with these people and say that this was uncategorically false information. I tried to show them where the information was wrong. I asked people to stop using insults, to start using people's proper names....to stop being obnoxious and rude to each other. When none of that worked...I un-followed, un-friended, and sometimes even blocked. It was not because I am intolerant. I'm not...I try to listen to everyone. But, I can't stand the obnoxious behavior and incessant posting of shit that is simply untrue or extremely rude and obnoxious. The hate for people different than themselves was terrifyingly alarming. I followed this process with extreme lefts and rights. But, when I did this...I created my very own echo chamber. And that, is BAD! Because underneath all of their rantings and grasping at whatever made them feel justified in their viewpoints the truth of why they feel the way that they do. And, I stopped listening. I stopped trying to get beneath the crap to what is the source of their own personal anger and frustration. I don't know when I will re-follow those un-followed...or eat crow and send a message of apology for blocking people...I'm not there yet. But I will get there.
So, how does all of this lead to prejudice? I had a candid conversation with a woman I've only met once but have been friends with for over 10 years ( you know who you are). And she helped me put into perspective my earlier horror at being a racist. She asked me how I would have felt had the AK-47 been strapped to a white guy. And you know what...I still would have thought about death, destruction, looting, nefarious acts being carried by that person (see prejudice below). I don't see a person's skin color...I see their eyes, their smiles, the body language. I believe that every human being is precious and can achieve great things given the right opportunities. She pointed out to me that what I exhibited was not racism but prejudice. You see racism is feeling superior to others while prejudice is having a certain expectation of a person based on subjective factors (age, sex, color, gender, etc.)
I see ALOT of prejudice on social media these days....and the past days...and I suspect the coming days. We're all guilty of it in some form. Think all Trump supporters are racist? That's prejudice. Think all Democrats are bleeding heart liberals intent on taking your guns away? That's prejudice. Think a black man with a gun is going to shoot up a local church? Prejudice. I could go on with my examples....but since this is about me, let's bring it back. I have prejudice...and apparently, I have a lot more than I thought. Some of that comes with the "privilege" of being a white woman. Some of it comes from growing up and living in a mostly Caucasian area. And some of it it because I haven't taken the time to identify it and rectify it. I've got a lot of work to do. And if our country is honest with themselves...we ALL do!
Friday, November 11, 2016
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
WOE is me!
Beginning a new way of eating (WOE) isn't simple nor easy. It really doesn't matter which program you're choosing. If you're looking to make a lifestyle change, and not simply a diet that you'll forget about as soon as you've reached your goal....then you've got to do some work ahead of time. You must research the way of eating, the theory behind it, the physiology, the science, and then, finally the mechanics of it.
A ketogenic diet was so much different than my "normal" (we'll wait to call this former) way of eating. Restricting your net carbs to 25 (later in the week I changed that to 20) is hard to do. It's easy to cut the carbs that are in front of your face: bread, pasta, dessert, alcohol. What is more difficult is understanding the hidden carbs in almost every food you eat. Fruits and veggies have natural sugar in them, and that gives them carbs! Spinach has carbs, broccoli has carbs, green beans have carbs! They are EVERYWHERE. It's like a bad dream where you can't make turn without them taking over your day. I knew to expect this. I read almost everything I could about this diet. What foods to eat freely, what foods to eat in moderation, and what foods to avoid (all my favorites of course!) And still....I was not as prepared as I thought I was....I needed supplements (magnesium and potassium), I needed oils, almond flour, coconut flakes, hemp seed, raw nuts, different types of meats. My pantry and my refrigerator look completely different than they have ever looked. They are filled with a small fortune of healthy food just right for my new WOE.
But you know what....Keto is hard! I had the ingredients (and bought a few on the way) and I had the research. I've made some pretty amazing meals (anything from omelets to variations of cauliflower rice). And I saw that scale move....nearly 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks. Sure, sure...a lot of that is water weight, I get it. But it still moved....A LOT! Then....Saturday came along.....
I decided it was time to freshen up my pedicure and treat my mom to her first one ever. The new salon I picked served a complimentary drink....I couldn't resist the offer of a glass of wine, even if it was white. And that sent my day totally and completely out of control! Kip and I went out to dinner and while my dinner selection was keto friendly (bunless cheeseburger with salsa and a side of greenbeans) my drink selection was not...one beer, led to two beers. Then we got home and it led to opening a fresh bottle of wine. My body wanted the carbs so badly. Just as I was hitting keto flu, I introduced a level of carbs my body hadn't seen in over a week and it stop my process in its tracks! Sunday was a new day and I got back on track.
Monday saw the consequences of my reverting to old habits...I gained almost 2 pounds back that I had lost! And it's not coming off as easily as it came back on. But, I got back on track. I noticed my fitbit syncing with myfitnesspal was sending my macros all over the place....so I quickly removed that functionality. Keto is hard...but when I come downstairs in the morning, I don't have to take one step at a time. I eat a large breakfast/lunch and am usually completed satiated until dinner time. Keto is hard...but it's becoming a bit more easy as I go along.
I'll leave you with one of my breakfast/lunches from this past week. I took leftover grilled chuck steak and sliced it thinly (4oz), I added 2oz of sliced green peppers, and 1.5 oz of sliced onions. I sauteed this in 2 tbsp of coconut oil Once the onions and peppers were cooked to my liking, I plated them and fried two eggs. Overall this meal was 555 calories, 6g of carbs, 44g of fat, 37 grams of protein.
A ketogenic diet was so much different than my "normal" (we'll wait to call this former) way of eating. Restricting your net carbs to 25 (later in the week I changed that to 20) is hard to do. It's easy to cut the carbs that are in front of your face: bread, pasta, dessert, alcohol. What is more difficult is understanding the hidden carbs in almost every food you eat. Fruits and veggies have natural sugar in them, and that gives them carbs! Spinach has carbs, broccoli has carbs, green beans have carbs! They are EVERYWHERE. It's like a bad dream where you can't make turn without them taking over your day. I knew to expect this. I read almost everything I could about this diet. What foods to eat freely, what foods to eat in moderation, and what foods to avoid (all my favorites of course!) And still....I was not as prepared as I thought I was....I needed supplements (magnesium and potassium), I needed oils, almond flour, coconut flakes, hemp seed, raw nuts, different types of meats. My pantry and my refrigerator look completely different than they have ever looked. They are filled with a small fortune of healthy food just right for my new WOE.
But you know what....Keto is hard! I had the ingredients (and bought a few on the way) and I had the research. I've made some pretty amazing meals (anything from omelets to variations of cauliflower rice). And I saw that scale move....nearly 10 pounds in less than 2 weeks. Sure, sure...a lot of that is water weight, I get it. But it still moved....A LOT! Then....Saturday came along.....
I decided it was time to freshen up my pedicure and treat my mom to her first one ever. The new salon I picked served a complimentary drink....I couldn't resist the offer of a glass of wine, even if it was white. And that sent my day totally and completely out of control! Kip and I went out to dinner and while my dinner selection was keto friendly (bunless cheeseburger with salsa and a side of greenbeans) my drink selection was not...one beer, led to two beers. Then we got home and it led to opening a fresh bottle of wine. My body wanted the carbs so badly. Just as I was hitting keto flu, I introduced a level of carbs my body hadn't seen in over a week and it stop my process in its tracks! Sunday was a new day and I got back on track.
Monday saw the consequences of my reverting to old habits...I gained almost 2 pounds back that I had lost! And it's not coming off as easily as it came back on. But, I got back on track. I noticed my fitbit syncing with myfitnesspal was sending my macros all over the place....so I quickly removed that functionality. Keto is hard...but when I come downstairs in the morning, I don't have to take one step at a time. I eat a large breakfast/lunch and am usually completed satiated until dinner time. Keto is hard...but it's becoming a bit more easy as I go along.
I'll leave you with one of my breakfast/lunches from this past week. I took leftover grilled chuck steak and sliced it thinly (4oz), I added 2oz of sliced green peppers, and 1.5 oz of sliced onions. I sauteed this in 2 tbsp of coconut oil Once the onions and peppers were cooked to my liking, I plated them and fried two eggs. Overall this meal was 555 calories, 6g of carbs, 44g of fat, 37 grams of protein.
Monday, August 8, 2016
Discovering a whole new way of eating
Dear Reader
Full disclosure....I am clinically obese. And by obese, I mean I am FAT! I don't view this word negatively, unless I'm watching "Family Guy." It is who I am, however, I do not let it define me. I'm also short, curvy, sexy, smart and logical. I have awesome hair, an amazing figure, and my boobs are a sight to behold. All of my medical tests show me to be a very healthy fat person. I do suffer from joint inflammation and pain which often ends up derailing any weight loss I try, simply because it hurts when I move. I also suffer from boredom eating and really, really enjoy my wine!
A few weeks ago, I had this grand idea to buy a bicycle. Being over 250lbs, I'm extremely cognizant of weight restrictions....on EVERYTHING. I even ordered a $160 ladder for our pool because I was fearful of the flimsy one that came with it. I'm over 40 and injury prone, I do not need to help that! So, I found that most bicycles that you can buy at your local retail store have a weight restriction of 250lbs. As of today, I weigh 276....something I am NOT proud of! I was hesitant to buy a bike that I was simply too large for. I was devastated and felt very ashamed of myself. How did I let this happen? But most importantly....how do I change this?!?!?!?
Enter a Keto diet. In very simple terms, a keto diet is low in carbs, high in fat, and moderate in protein. It is designed to turn your body into a fat burning machine, rather than a sugar burning machine. It is similar to paleo in many ways, but it's still very different. A good friend of mine introduced me to it not long after my bicycle discovery. So, I researched it and found that this diet is commonly used to treat a variety of diseases including (but not limited to) epilepsy, diabetes, and cancer. I read real person accounts of how this diet has stopped joint inflammation, sleep apnea, and other obesity related ailments. Keto is hard....at least right now it is. It's taking your customary way of eat (WOE) and turning it upside down....if you decide to research and try this, you'll see what I mean when it promotes using lard and bacon fat. Not to mention the dozens of eggs you'll find yourself eating.
I choose a start date of 8/1/2016. It was my birthday and a Monday...so it just seemed appropriate. After reading about induction flu (the flu like symptoms you experience as your body moves into ketosis), I found that a few side effects could affect my vertigo. With a balance test scheduled for 8/9/2016, I decided to hold off on starting Keot until today, 8/8/2016.
I decided to begin with really watching my carbs, saying goodbye to some of my favorite non-Keto friendly foods (watermelon, pizza, pasta, alcohol, etc), and researching even more to discover recipes, tactics, etc. I joined a keto challenge (you can find a lot of information on www.ketodietapp.com) and bought a few books.
I have enjoyed making some recipes including Almond Cashew Butter, Ghee (clarified butter), Bacon Olive Omelets, Bacon Egg Tomato Skillet and a few others. I cleaned out my pantry of anything that could trip me up. I bought expense coconut oil, almond oil, coconut flakes. I'm drinking up to 100oz of water a day (some with a touch of Himalayan pink salt to help with electrolytes) and I'm going into this with an open mind.
I KNOW I'm going to struggle. I know that evenings will be difficult for me. I know that boredom eating will trip me up. But I also know that I need to do this! I need to fit on a bicycle and not worry about damaging the frame. I need to know that I can sit comfortably on an airplane and not spill over into someone else's seat. I need to know I can go to Hogwarts and Universal Studios and enjoy the rides!
I am a beautiful person with some very unique super powers. I am not doing this to enhance my beauty...I am doing this to enhance my life!
So, stick with me dear reader and we'll journey together. Feel free to nudge me when I haven't posted in awhile. And when all else fails...keep your super hero buddies close by!
Full disclosure....I am clinically obese. And by obese, I mean I am FAT! I don't view this word negatively, unless I'm watching "Family Guy." It is who I am, however, I do not let it define me. I'm also short, curvy, sexy, smart and logical. I have awesome hair, an amazing figure, and my boobs are a sight to behold. All of my medical tests show me to be a very healthy fat person. I do suffer from joint inflammation and pain which often ends up derailing any weight loss I try, simply because it hurts when I move. I also suffer from boredom eating and really, really enjoy my wine!
A few weeks ago, I had this grand idea to buy a bicycle. Being over 250lbs, I'm extremely cognizant of weight restrictions....on EVERYTHING. I even ordered a $160 ladder for our pool because I was fearful of the flimsy one that came with it. I'm over 40 and injury prone, I do not need to help that! So, I found that most bicycles that you can buy at your local retail store have a weight restriction of 250lbs. As of today, I weigh 276....something I am NOT proud of! I was hesitant to buy a bike that I was simply too large for. I was devastated and felt very ashamed of myself. How did I let this happen? But most importantly....how do I change this?!?!?!?
Enter a Keto diet. In very simple terms, a keto diet is low in carbs, high in fat, and moderate in protein. It is designed to turn your body into a fat burning machine, rather than a sugar burning machine. It is similar to paleo in many ways, but it's still very different. A good friend of mine introduced me to it not long after my bicycle discovery. So, I researched it and found that this diet is commonly used to treat a variety of diseases including (but not limited to) epilepsy, diabetes, and cancer. I read real person accounts of how this diet has stopped joint inflammation, sleep apnea, and other obesity related ailments. Keto is hard....at least right now it is. It's taking your customary way of eat (WOE) and turning it upside down....if you decide to research and try this, you'll see what I mean when it promotes using lard and bacon fat. Not to mention the dozens of eggs you'll find yourself eating.
I choose a start date of 8/1/2016. It was my birthday and a Monday...so it just seemed appropriate. After reading about induction flu (the flu like symptoms you experience as your body moves into ketosis), I found that a few side effects could affect my vertigo. With a balance test scheduled for 8/9/2016, I decided to hold off on starting Keot until today, 8/8/2016.
I decided to begin with really watching my carbs, saying goodbye to some of my favorite non-Keto friendly foods (watermelon, pizza, pasta, alcohol, etc), and researching even more to discover recipes, tactics, etc. I joined a keto challenge (you can find a lot of information on www.ketodietapp.com) and bought a few books.
I have enjoyed making some recipes including Almond Cashew Butter, Ghee (clarified butter), Bacon Olive Omelets, Bacon Egg Tomato Skillet and a few others. I cleaned out my pantry of anything that could trip me up. I bought expense coconut oil, almond oil, coconut flakes. I'm drinking up to 100oz of water a day (some with a touch of Himalayan pink salt to help with electrolytes) and I'm going into this with an open mind.
I KNOW I'm going to struggle. I know that evenings will be difficult for me. I know that boredom eating will trip me up. But I also know that I need to do this! I need to fit on a bicycle and not worry about damaging the frame. I need to know that I can sit comfortably on an airplane and not spill over into someone else's seat. I need to know I can go to Hogwarts and Universal Studios and enjoy the rides!
I am a beautiful person with some very unique super powers. I am not doing this to enhance my beauty...I am doing this to enhance my life!
So, stick with me dear reader and we'll journey together. Feel free to nudge me when I haven't posted in awhile. And when all else fails...keep your super hero buddies close by!
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Disconnecting to Reconnect
Two children turning 18, one going into the US Navy. A parent passing away. Four moves in less than a year. Health scares. New job. Car problems. Graduate School. Terminally ill parent. And a special new baby being born. That is a quick summary of the last 24 months. A lot of stress and pressure to build up until your whole world bursts.
All it took was one week, seven days, to relieve that pressure. We left on May 9th, turned the data off on our phones and disconnected from our entire world. No text messages, no emails, no facebook, no phone calls. Just Kip and I. I expected a long week of bickering and disagreements. I expected that our very varied interests wouldn't compliment each other and we'd spend time looking at each other wonder just what the hell to do next. After 27 years as a couple, and many of those surrounded by lots of other people, I feared that we just wouldn't know what to do with our self-imposed isolation from our world.
Every 5-10 years our relationship goes through another evolution. The last one, we finally allowed ourselves to accept that we, and each other, were no longer that 14 girl and 17 year old boy. We allowed ourselves, and each other, to grow up...and discovered that we actually not only still loved each other but we LIKED each other. This evolution was about the transition into our "middle ages." Our nest will be empty. Our parents are aging. After 20+ years of focused attention on two boys who needed our love, guidance and support...we know have a little less focus there. Where does it go? How do you cope with the next stage in your life? Well, the answer is simple: TOGETHER. We're not joined at the hip by any stretch of the imagination and enjoy many activities that the other does not. But when it comes right down to it, we walk this path side by side. Sometimes I'm in front, sometimes Kip is in front, but when it matters we are hand in hand, side by side.
We disconnected from our world and reconnected with each other that further cements our solid foundation, mutual admiration and respect, and deep rooted, unwavering love. I couldn't have asked for a better lifemate!
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Milestones and the Empty Nest
Greetings Dear Reader!
Two posts in the same year....you must be wondering what the hell is going on in my head if I'm actually going to have a post two months apart!
Life is about learning and growing and moving on. A lot of milestones and passages are occurring all around me, the last few years have been full of them! My best friend is having her first baby at the age of 47. Yes, 47!!! Believing that this was an experience she would never have, she was surprised to find out that she was 5 1/2 months pregnant. The baby's expected delivery date is May 12th...my 24th wedding anniversary. I guess I can't yell at her for not even getting us a card, huh?
My oldest will be twenty at the end of summer and is experiencing some adult joys and disappointments. He's handling them with strength and grace. He hasn't been home in four months, not the longest absence, but still a long time to be away from home. This time around, he's adapting more quickly. He doesn't complain about hating his duty station or the general area as much as he did the first few times he came home. Bittersweet, if you ask me. I always want him to miss being home. But I also want him to pave his own road, make his own and be independent. Even if that means I am too far away to go running to his side when he has a car accident. (Yep, that did happen and thankfully, he was ok. Still hurts when you can't check the boo boos yourself.)
That vacation I mentioned in my last post? 16 days away!!! We won't have a carte blanche vacation. But seriously, Kip and I are fairly low maintenance and don't need to eat at the best places, buy the "expensive" jewelry or take that submarine dive. We just need time to disconnect and be us. It's the perfect way to culiminate a tough two years.
Graduate school...OH MY GOD! I didn't realize just how taxing it would be. I'm nearly done my first class, and truthfully, I should be preparing my power point presentation rather than blogging. But I have learned so much in six weeks! I can't wait to see what the rest of this program brings.
The biggest milestones happening in our life this year are that our youngest son is turning 18 (in a few days) and going to college. I'm not sure which surprises me more. That he actually made it to 18 without me damaging him or that he's going to college! He was not the child I expected to go to college. He's barely making it through high school. We had a tour of his school last week and I've got to say, I'm really impressed. Mostly with him. He's really matured a lot in the last few years. He's more of a responsible adult than most of the people five to ten years older than him. He has a lot of growing and learning left to do...but he's really pulled himself around and I don't think I need to worry as much. I'll still worry, I am a mom after all...just not about as much.
We'll have an "empty nest." Our boys will be far enough away that planning days in advance needs to occur. No quick trips up the road to get that hug from both of them. That will be the hardest part for me. But, I know that this is a normal progression and I am most certainly not the first mom to deal with it. We'll have an empty nest, but never an empty heart. We've passed as much knowledge and experience on as we could...now it's time for both of our boys....no, our young men....to see what they can do with it. To so what they can experience and learn. Fly high and safe...and never forget where your nest is!
Two posts in the same year....you must be wondering what the hell is going on in my head if I'm actually going to have a post two months apart!
Life is about learning and growing and moving on. A lot of milestones and passages are occurring all around me, the last few years have been full of them! My best friend is having her first baby at the age of 47. Yes, 47!!! Believing that this was an experience she would never have, she was surprised to find out that she was 5 1/2 months pregnant. The baby's expected delivery date is May 12th...my 24th wedding anniversary. I guess I can't yell at her for not even getting us a card, huh?
My oldest will be twenty at the end of summer and is experiencing some adult joys and disappointments. He's handling them with strength and grace. He hasn't been home in four months, not the longest absence, but still a long time to be away from home. This time around, he's adapting more quickly. He doesn't complain about hating his duty station or the general area as much as he did the first few times he came home. Bittersweet, if you ask me. I always want him to miss being home. But I also want him to pave his own road, make his own and be independent. Even if that means I am too far away to go running to his side when he has a car accident. (Yep, that did happen and thankfully, he was ok. Still hurts when you can't check the boo boos yourself.)
That vacation I mentioned in my last post? 16 days away!!! We won't have a carte blanche vacation. But seriously, Kip and I are fairly low maintenance and don't need to eat at the best places, buy the "expensive" jewelry or take that submarine dive. We just need time to disconnect and be us. It's the perfect way to culiminate a tough two years.
Graduate school...OH MY GOD! I didn't realize just how taxing it would be. I'm nearly done my first class, and truthfully, I should be preparing my power point presentation rather than blogging. But I have learned so much in six weeks! I can't wait to see what the rest of this program brings.
The biggest milestones happening in our life this year are that our youngest son is turning 18 (in a few days) and going to college. I'm not sure which surprises me more. That he actually made it to 18 without me damaging him or that he's going to college! He was not the child I expected to go to college. He's barely making it through high school. We had a tour of his school last week and I've got to say, I'm really impressed. Mostly with him. He's really matured a lot in the last few years. He's more of a responsible adult than most of the people five to ten years older than him. He has a lot of growing and learning left to do...but he's really pulled himself around and I don't think I need to worry as much. I'll still worry, I am a mom after all...just not about as much.
We'll have an "empty nest." Our boys will be far enough away that planning days in advance needs to occur. No quick trips up the road to get that hug from both of them. That will be the hardest part for me. But, I know that this is a normal progression and I am most certainly not the first mom to deal with it. We'll have an empty nest, but never an empty heart. We've passed as much knowledge and experience on as we could...now it's time for both of our boys....no, our young men....to see what they can do with it. To so what they can experience and learn. Fly high and safe...and never forget where your nest is!
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Balance
Hello dear Reader, it's been awhile, I know. Suffice it to say that June 2012 to November 2013 was a very, very trying time for me. Finances were a mess. We moved not once, not twice, not three times...but four times. I got diagnosed with degenerative disc disease after being in excruciating pain for weeks. I finally quit that horrible company I worked for. I started a new job. My oldest son entered his adulthood by joining the US Navy. And perhaps most importantly, my father passed away.
Life sucked. Nothing seemed to be good. Everything was crashing down around me and I didn't know where to turn. Some friendships turned out to be very disappointing. The loss of my dad and my oldest son, my "mini me," leaving for his new adventures left me looking at the rest of my life and wondering just what the hell was I going to do. How to move forward? How to make sense of all the chaos?
Balance was the key....I needed to find balance. I needed to balance the good with the bad. I need to take an inventory of people, things, stuff in my life and see where each lay. And I found that so much stuff was on the bad side that I was constantly falling off my personal, metaphysical, balance beam.
Step 1: Remove the bad stuff you CAN control. I ended some relationships that were very toxic. I tackled some financial stuff. I ended employment with a company that cared less about it's human capital than a Chinese sweatshop. I uncluttered my life physically by getting rid of unwanted stuff in my living space. I stopped a lifestyle choice that wasn't working for me or my family. I started watching the food I put in my mouth. True, I still have some financial issues and my son being gone and my dad passing still hurt more than I can express....but I can't control some of these.
Step 2: Foster the good stuff you CAN control. I started to cultivate and nurture my healthy relationships beginning with myself, moving onto my husband, children, my mother, my best friend and those friends that I really kept on the outside looking in. I opened myself up a little bit. I did an in depth analysis of our finances. I saw where we were needlessly spending money. I saw where I could actually start working on paying old credit problems and get them off my credit report. I got a new job at a company that I LOVE! The benefits are awesome, my coworkers rock and I can see me being here for a LONG time. I started walking and joined a gym. I continue to organize my physical living space. And you know those issues I can't control? I try my hardest to let them go.
Step 3: Maintain the balance while growing. Not easy for sure. But, I'm starting classes next month to pursue my graduate degree. I can't express just how much I LOVE learning. I could be a professional student if I had unlimited financial resources. Kip and I are taking our first ever vacation...in twenty four years of marriage! I'm fostering some new relationships and fostering my place in my work life. I'm planning on doing a few 5K's this year. Mostly, I'm taking things with a little more of a grain of salt than I used to.
I'd like to see that these changes are starting to be noticed. I'm looking better. I'm feeling better, physically and mentally. I have a confidence I never really had before. And each day, I continue to try to take stock in my life and continue to keep things balanced.
2014 is the year for balance.
Life sucked. Nothing seemed to be good. Everything was crashing down around me and I didn't know where to turn. Some friendships turned out to be very disappointing. The loss of my dad and my oldest son, my "mini me," leaving for his new adventures left me looking at the rest of my life and wondering just what the hell was I going to do. How to move forward? How to make sense of all the chaos?
Step 1: Remove the bad stuff you CAN control. I ended some relationships that were very toxic. I tackled some financial stuff. I ended employment with a company that cared less about it's human capital than a Chinese sweatshop. I uncluttered my life physically by getting rid of unwanted stuff in my living space. I stopped a lifestyle choice that wasn't working for me or my family. I started watching the food I put in my mouth. True, I still have some financial issues and my son being gone and my dad passing still hurt more than I can express....but I can't control some of these.
Step 2: Foster the good stuff you CAN control. I started to cultivate and nurture my healthy relationships beginning with myself, moving onto my husband, children, my mother, my best friend and those friends that I really kept on the outside looking in. I opened myself up a little bit. I did an in depth analysis of our finances. I saw where we were needlessly spending money. I saw where I could actually start working on paying old credit problems and get them off my credit report. I got a new job at a company that I LOVE! The benefits are awesome, my coworkers rock and I can see me being here for a LONG time. I started walking and joined a gym. I continue to organize my physical living space. And you know those issues I can't control? I try my hardest to let them go.
Step 3: Maintain the balance while growing. Not easy for sure. But, I'm starting classes next month to pursue my graduate degree. I can't express just how much I LOVE learning. I could be a professional student if I had unlimited financial resources. Kip and I are taking our first ever vacation...in twenty four years of marriage! I'm fostering some new relationships and fostering my place in my work life. I'm planning on doing a few 5K's this year. Mostly, I'm taking things with a little more of a grain of salt than I used to.
I'd like to see that these changes are starting to be noticed. I'm looking better. I'm feeling better, physically and mentally. I have a confidence I never really had before. And each day, I continue to try to take stock in my life and continue to keep things balanced.
2014 is the year for balance.
Friday, May 10, 2013
My Eulogy for My Dad
Michael A Mitchell
9/28/1951 - 4/21/2013
My Dad
My father will not be read about on the news or in the history books. There will be no eulogies from celebrities and no paparazzi sneaking snapshots of those in attendances today. But my father was a great man.
When I think of my father, I think of the middle child of eleven children. A man who lost his brother and father before the age of 25. A man of meager means, but full of heart. A man who struggled between who he was and who he wanted to be and how to get there. He loved greatly and never gave up on anyone. He instilled in me the qualities such as: unconditional love, compassion, integrity, hard work, devotion, humor and security.
My father left a piece of him in everyone he touched. When I look at all of you, I see bits of my father everywhere. I see brothers and sisters with that all too familiar Mitchell snout and huge smile. I see a family bonded together by undying love. When I look at Michael, I see the dreamer. The get rich quick plans like rubbermaid garage door with automatic garage door opener. Dad probably thought of this way back in the 70's when my "precocious" toddler brother "drove" the car through my Grandpa Well's garage door.
When I look at Charlie, I actually see my dad at 34, when I was 11. That big smile, Mitchell nose, beautiful thick hair and twinkle in his eyes when he's up to no good.
When I look at Victoria, I see the stubbornness. Oh, the stubbornness! Even to the end he said "We have to do this MY way." Victoria, use this stubbornness to help you get the things that truly, truly matter in life.
When I look at Matthew, I see the jokester. The desire to lighten up any situation, to elicit an infections smile. The message is that life is too short to take anything, but especially ourselves, too seriously. When I look at Aaron, I see not just the dreamer but the do-er. Before Aaron embarked on his adulthood with the Navy, I could always count on him to get stuff done. The do-er with a dream of great things and the means to get them done.
As each of you say your final good byes to my dad, think of the part of him that he left with you. KNow that even at the end of his journey, he still was a dreamer, eye-twinkler, stubborn, do-er, jokester.
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