Does life imitate art or does art help define life?
Every so often I find a work of art (usually a movie) that, to me, has a hidden meaning to it. For instance in "Elizabethtown" the Kirsten Dunst character, Claire, is what I envision what I might have become had my life experiences been a little different. If I wasn't forced to be a "responsible adult" at the ripe old age of 12, perhaps I would have been that quirky character looking to the bright side of everything. I would help the people in my life move through their experiences in a positive way. In "Stranger than Fiction", Harold Crick does the same thing every day until he begins to hear a narrator telling his story about his ultimate demise. Life can become very repetitive...we get up, we work, we go home, we go to sleep...and we do it all again the next day. Never taking chances, never breaking our comfort zone...until one day, something happens to "wake us up."
Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" and "I Will Remember You" never fail to reduce me to tears as it reminds me of my grandmother's passing. "Wind Beneath My Wings" and the movie "Beaches" will forever be associated with my best friend Stacy. "What the Bleep Do We Know" will be the starting point of my journey into self-awareness and my affect on who/what I am and where I go.
Is there underlying deep meaning in each and every work of art or is it purely subjective and it depends on what you are looking for....I'd like to think all of the answers are out there....you just have to open yourself up to finding them.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Tests
Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? Right???? I guess maybe I'm being tested right now. My Uncle Dave just passed away yesterday. My mother got admitted to a hospital 3 hours a way last night and my dad isn't feeling well. All three events in three different directions and my mind is a jumbled mess.
So, my plan is to travel 3 hours to Rhode Island to be there for my mom while she undergoes testing for her chest pains. My brother Charlie is going to take the charge of Dad. And maybe, we'll make it to Connecticut to be with our family as we say goodbye to another family member.
I'm tired of emotions...I've been emotional for weeks now and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. I thought being the "strong one in the family" meant that I wouldn't have to deal with these emotions...why do I feel the burden of the family on my shoulders? Who elected me? And why wasn't I part of that democratic process??? I would just let some of it go for a bit and not worry about any of it....I don't expect that will happen anytime soon.....
Life is a series of tests...you don't have to pass or fail...it's your performance during the tests that identifies who you are.
So, my plan is to travel 3 hours to Rhode Island to be there for my mom while she undergoes testing for her chest pains. My brother Charlie is going to take the charge of Dad. And maybe, we'll make it to Connecticut to be with our family as we say goodbye to another family member.
I'm tired of emotions...I've been emotional for weeks now and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. I thought being the "strong one in the family" meant that I wouldn't have to deal with these emotions...why do I feel the burden of the family on my shoulders? Who elected me? And why wasn't I part of that democratic process??? I would just let some of it go for a bit and not worry about any of it....I don't expect that will happen anytime soon.....
Life is a series of tests...you don't have to pass or fail...it's your performance during the tests that identifies who you are.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Happy Pi Day
To all of my geek friends, Happy Pi Day! Until nine years ago, today was a fun day for me. Pi is the ratio of any circle's circumference to it's diameter. In schools across the nation...Pi Day is celebrated...I kinda miss Pi day. Then again, I am the woman who did long division as a "focal point" during contractions for her oldest son....I never, ever said I was normal.
In 2001, Pi Day took on new meaning for me...it became the day my world was irrevocably torn apart. Nothing's been the same since...a lot of good things have occurred...and not some not so good...but on this day nine years ago, I lost someone very, very dear to me...my grandmother Nancy Lee Cox Wells passed away at the young age of 70. She had survived heart surgery and lived with lung disease for many, many years. She'd had her hip and ankle broken...but when she died, she was full of life....errr, well you know what I mean. Her disease didn't beat her down...she wasn't on a breathing machine constantly (except for her oxygen) and she wasn't stuck in a bed unable to move. My dad, her ex-son in law, has the same diagnosis. He's 58 and I'd say at 58 he's in a lot worse shape than she was at 70.
I guess that is something to be thankful for. Grandma was a do-er...never one to sit still. The summer before she had spent over a month at my house...sometimes walking to Bingo Halls while Kip and I visited with his parents...never telling us that was her plan. It was the first time she'd come up and had money to spend....she kept winning at Bingo. She was the happiest I'd ever seen her...and I think she developed a secret crush on my neighbor Ray....who died the same day we moved back to Maine after 5 years in Connecticut.
She was, in many ways, my rock. I could call her for ANYTHING. I could discuss ANYTHING with her. She loved her kids, their spouses, their ex's, her grandchildren, their spouses and ex's...and her great grandchildren more than anything. It is from her that I learned what unconditional love really is...and what it means to give someone your unconditional love. She judged no one. She talked to anyone. And she loved every single member of her family, no matter what bad things they may have done.
Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and will be devastated when their time comes too. Losing Grandma has been the biggest struggle of my life and this year seems to be the worst since the first 4-5. But there is progress....usually I remember this day with a drink....or ten...this year, I simply had a margarita with my lunch. Perhaps this growing up stuff isn't so bad.
Happy Pi Day Everyone! Happy Remembrance Day to the Well's family.
In 2001, Pi Day took on new meaning for me...it became the day my world was irrevocably torn apart. Nothing's been the same since...a lot of good things have occurred...and not some not so good...but on this day nine years ago, I lost someone very, very dear to me...my grandmother Nancy Lee Cox Wells passed away at the young age of 70. She had survived heart surgery and lived with lung disease for many, many years. She'd had her hip and ankle broken...but when she died, she was full of life....errr, well you know what I mean. Her disease didn't beat her down...she wasn't on a breathing machine constantly (except for her oxygen) and she wasn't stuck in a bed unable to move. My dad, her ex-son in law, has the same diagnosis. He's 58 and I'd say at 58 he's in a lot worse shape than she was at 70.
I guess that is something to be thankful for. Grandma was a do-er...never one to sit still. The summer before she had spent over a month at my house...sometimes walking to Bingo Halls while Kip and I visited with his parents...never telling us that was her plan. It was the first time she'd come up and had money to spend....she kept winning at Bingo. She was the happiest I'd ever seen her...and I think she developed a secret crush on my neighbor Ray....who died the same day we moved back to Maine after 5 years in Connecticut.
She was, in many ways, my rock. I could call her for ANYTHING. I could discuss ANYTHING with her. She loved her kids, their spouses, their ex's, her grandchildren, their spouses and ex's...and her great grandchildren more than anything. It is from her that I learned what unconditional love really is...and what it means to give someone your unconditional love. She judged no one. She talked to anyone. And she loved every single member of her family, no matter what bad things they may have done.
Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and will be devastated when their time comes too. Losing Grandma has been the biggest struggle of my life and this year seems to be the worst since the first 4-5. But there is progress....usually I remember this day with a drink....or ten...this year, I simply had a margarita with my lunch. Perhaps this growing up stuff isn't so bad.
Happy Pi Day Everyone! Happy Remembrance Day to the Well's family.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Sunlight Through The Window
It's been a bit since my last post....mostly because I had my internet shut off to save some money. I mean, I have a blackberry so any online stuff that "NEEDS" to be done can be done on that. The boys can use the internet at school and the library...and even though I left a horrible work environment, I took a $750/month hit in my finances...OUCH!!! My brother, who's living with us, got the internet hooked up in his name this week. I didn't realize how much I missed the internet...thanks Bob Chuck!!! (His nickname is a story for another time.)
I've been having a hard time the last few weeks. Recently my Aunt Grace passed away. She had Alzheimer's and was recently diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I was unable to see her before her passing and I was unable to get to Connecticut for her funeral. But, I believe this was the catalyst for my "hard time." Aunt Grace and my grandmother were nearly the same age...only Grandma passed away nine years ago on 3/14. Her death was a HUGE loss for me...at times insurmountable. Then I got news that my Uncle Dave was given two months left to live because of his cancer. Does it ever end? And still, I can't get to CT to visit with my family before they pass. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do.
Earlier this week, I had some pretty horrible words with my youngest son. I love Matthew more than anything in the world. His positive attitude and need to make people laugh inspire me. He's more intelligent than he gives himself credit for (and more than testing can show) and I believe he can become a successful adult...but he's also my biggest challenge. I said some things that I really shouldn't have said to him. Later, I went to apologize to him and he was on the phone with my mother. That one simple act caught me completely off guard. I mean, I know he calls her when he's upset and I'm extremely grateful that he has her for that. It's exactly what I used to do with my grandmother....for so long, she was my rock. I got through my younger years because of three distinct people: Mr. Neal, Kip and Grandma. Without them...I don't want to think about where I would be right now.
As I apologized to him and went downstairs to put myself in a time out...I couldn't stop thinking about WHY him being on the phone with my mom bothered me so much. It's a special relationship and is probably going to be something that helps him leave my home sane....and then it dawned on me...as I struggle to raise him and deal with his teenage issues, the one and only person I want to talk to in my grandmother. I want to call her and tell her how much of an ass he's being, how he doesn't respect me and most importantly, how I feel like a failure as a mother. I want to hear her voice telling me that I'm being silly. I want to feel the warmth of her love for me over the phone and her embrace through what she's saying. I desperately miss that. I didn't realize how much until recently. I thought I had dealt with her passing, but it's become apparent to me that I've been in denial for many years...and perhaps that is my way of keeping her alive.
And because I have no "good" way of ending this post, I will end it here...sitting on my couch with the sunlight coming through my window and heating the back of my neck.
I've been having a hard time the last few weeks. Recently my Aunt Grace passed away. She had Alzheimer's and was recently diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. I was unable to see her before her passing and I was unable to get to Connecticut for her funeral. But, I believe this was the catalyst for my "hard time." Aunt Grace and my grandmother were nearly the same age...only Grandma passed away nine years ago on 3/14. Her death was a HUGE loss for me...at times insurmountable. Then I got news that my Uncle Dave was given two months left to live because of his cancer. Does it ever end? And still, I can't get to CT to visit with my family before they pass. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do.
Earlier this week, I had some pretty horrible words with my youngest son. I love Matthew more than anything in the world. His positive attitude and need to make people laugh inspire me. He's more intelligent than he gives himself credit for (and more than testing can show) and I believe he can become a successful adult...but he's also my biggest challenge. I said some things that I really shouldn't have said to him. Later, I went to apologize to him and he was on the phone with my mother. That one simple act caught me completely off guard. I mean, I know he calls her when he's upset and I'm extremely grateful that he has her for that. It's exactly what I used to do with my grandmother....for so long, she was my rock. I got through my younger years because of three distinct people: Mr. Neal, Kip and Grandma. Without them...I don't want to think about where I would be right now.
As I apologized to him and went downstairs to put myself in a time out...I couldn't stop thinking about WHY him being on the phone with my mom bothered me so much. It's a special relationship and is probably going to be something that helps him leave my home sane....and then it dawned on me...as I struggle to raise him and deal with his teenage issues, the one and only person I want to talk to in my grandmother. I want to call her and tell her how much of an ass he's being, how he doesn't respect me and most importantly, how I feel like a failure as a mother. I want to hear her voice telling me that I'm being silly. I want to feel the warmth of her love for me over the phone and her embrace through what she's saying. I desperately miss that. I didn't realize how much until recently. I thought I had dealt with her passing, but it's become apparent to me that I've been in denial for many years...and perhaps that is my way of keeping her alive.
And because I have no "good" way of ending this post, I will end it here...sitting on my couch with the sunlight coming through my window and heating the back of my neck.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Reflections
January 22, 2009 to January 22, 2010
A lot can happen in a year. Last year at this time I was unemployed, sitting at home, going stir crazy begging anyone for a job. This year, I've got a new job (second one in the last year), I've grown a lot and learned alot about myself and about relationships. So, let's reflect on the last year.
Career: Well I was introduced to the DR (Direct Response) industry. I saw an ad for a US Hispanic Call Center looking for a Client Services Account Manager, Spanish is not necessary. So, I applied...figured it was a long shot. Two interviews later, I was at least intrigued and at most happy to have more than $300/week coming into our bank accounts. Little did I know that my eyes would be opened to a wonderful opportunity and to an industry that I knew I wanted to make my career. The company (if you've read an earlier post) didn't turn out to be the best company to work for...I can't recall that I've worked for a worse manager in my life. After my last post, called "Humiliation," I had another turn in with the said manager and spent another 45 minutes being berated. I never went back. I couldn't stomach it. I knew that I was putting my family into a dire financial situation....but Kip and I both agreed that the stress from working there wasn't worth it anymore. Three weeks later, I scored a job as a media buyer for a local media company. I'm buying 30 minute radio spots for two specific campaigns. I miss campaign management, but this is definitely an opportunity to use what I've learned to affect a different aspect of DR. Viva la media buying!
Friends: Well, we built a good relationship with another couple, only to have it crumble a week or so ago. In reality, that crumble started as a crack sometime around Thanksgiving. While the blame resides with all four participants...it soon became clear to me that one of us was allowed to express her full gamut of emotions and everyone else must suck it up and deal with it...and not EVER express themselves fully. And no, it wasn't me. The ending of this friendship happened this week...and today Kip and I were told that we were not lepers but just not friend material...whatever the hell that means. All I know is that I feel less stress now that I'm not worrying so much about reactions.
I've repaired a friendship that at times could have gone south. This woman has truly become my best friend. Not only can I tell her anything...but she's got my back when I need my back gotten...But she'll also let me fall on my face when I need to. After I've fallen on my face, she'll help pick me up and tell me why. We've, admittedly, had our issues...but we work on them and I have to say it's one of the most adult friendships that I've ever had and I love her dearly.
Kip and I have begun a new friendship with this amazing couple. They are slightly older than us, but seemed to have followed the same life path. High school sweethearts, children at a young age and totally and extremely connected. As far as an adult-couple friendship, I can see this one going far and wide. We all have fun together...laughing so much that our sides split and our cheeks ache the next morning. We've discussed vacationing together...our children have met and it just seems like a perfect fit. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Children: Well, both boys are teenagers now. Matthew has had several girlfriends and Aaron is with his first. Odd with Aaron being the oldest. Both boys are doing great...Matthew is growing up in regards to taking responsibility for his actions...he has some more work to do there, but I have faith that he will be a fine, upstanding young man. Aaron is in his sophomore year in school and we're looking at the prospect of him "leaving the nest" in a few years. As I watch him grow, I can't help but remember the collicky baby that I wanted to see if he could bounce....now, he could pick me up and drop me!
Love: Wow, love...what is there to say about this topic. Love comes in many forms. I've learned that you can definitely love more than one person at a time...that love just comes in many forms. For instance, I've felt love for someone this past year and that love opened some doors I'd shut a long time ago. I'm playing my clarinet again and part of a band (sort of...practices haven't been attended, but that should change next week) and have reclaimed my passion for expressing myself in this way. This was a HUGE part of my life and who I was in my formative years. To have it back is a godsend. I've also met someone who makes me smile as soon as they say "Hi" almost everyday. They are sweet, generous, sensitive, and a whole source of other adjectives. Kip...you know, I'm not sure how much love I can feel for this man...each day it grows stronger and stronger. He's my foundation, he's my rock, he's my pillar, he's my support. This man knows me better than anyone else in the world. Recently someone accused us of having an unstable relationship....I think they are dead wrong. In fact, I think we have one of the strongest relationships that I know about (save our new friends) and I look forward to spending every single day of the rest of my life with him.
2010: I'm an evens person. I love even numbers. Therefore, this is MY year. Things will fall into place for me...there will be balance and harmony. And I will share it with those around me who have my respect, admiration, friendship and love.
A lot can happen in a year. Last year at this time I was unemployed, sitting at home, going stir crazy begging anyone for a job. This year, I've got a new job (second one in the last year), I've grown a lot and learned alot about myself and about relationships. So, let's reflect on the last year.
Career: Well I was introduced to the DR (Direct Response) industry. I saw an ad for a US Hispanic Call Center looking for a Client Services Account Manager, Spanish is not necessary. So, I applied...figured it was a long shot. Two interviews later, I was at least intrigued and at most happy to have more than $300/week coming into our bank accounts. Little did I know that my eyes would be opened to a wonderful opportunity and to an industry that I knew I wanted to make my career. The company (if you've read an earlier post) didn't turn out to be the best company to work for...I can't recall that I've worked for a worse manager in my life. After my last post, called "Humiliation," I had another turn in with the said manager and spent another 45 minutes being berated. I never went back. I couldn't stomach it. I knew that I was putting my family into a dire financial situation....but Kip and I both agreed that the stress from working there wasn't worth it anymore. Three weeks later, I scored a job as a media buyer for a local media company. I'm buying 30 minute radio spots for two specific campaigns. I miss campaign management, but this is definitely an opportunity to use what I've learned to affect a different aspect of DR. Viva la media buying!
Friends: Well, we built a good relationship with another couple, only to have it crumble a week or so ago. In reality, that crumble started as a crack sometime around Thanksgiving. While the blame resides with all four participants...it soon became clear to me that one of us was allowed to express her full gamut of emotions and everyone else must suck it up and deal with it...and not EVER express themselves fully. And no, it wasn't me. The ending of this friendship happened this week...and today Kip and I were told that we were not lepers but just not friend material...whatever the hell that means. All I know is that I feel less stress now that I'm not worrying so much about reactions.
I've repaired a friendship that at times could have gone south. This woman has truly become my best friend. Not only can I tell her anything...but she's got my back when I need my back gotten...But she'll also let me fall on my face when I need to. After I've fallen on my face, she'll help pick me up and tell me why. We've, admittedly, had our issues...but we work on them and I have to say it's one of the most adult friendships that I've ever had and I love her dearly.
Kip and I have begun a new friendship with this amazing couple. They are slightly older than us, but seemed to have followed the same life path. High school sweethearts, children at a young age and totally and extremely connected. As far as an adult-couple friendship, I can see this one going far and wide. We all have fun together...laughing so much that our sides split and our cheeks ache the next morning. We've discussed vacationing together...our children have met and it just seems like a perfect fit. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Children: Well, both boys are teenagers now. Matthew has had several girlfriends and Aaron is with his first. Odd with Aaron being the oldest. Both boys are doing great...Matthew is growing up in regards to taking responsibility for his actions...he has some more work to do there, but I have faith that he will be a fine, upstanding young man. Aaron is in his sophomore year in school and we're looking at the prospect of him "leaving the nest" in a few years. As I watch him grow, I can't help but remember the collicky baby that I wanted to see if he could bounce....now, he could pick me up and drop me!
Love: Wow, love...what is there to say about this topic. Love comes in many forms. I've learned that you can definitely love more than one person at a time...that love just comes in many forms. For instance, I've felt love for someone this past year and that love opened some doors I'd shut a long time ago. I'm playing my clarinet again and part of a band (sort of...practices haven't been attended, but that should change next week) and have reclaimed my passion for expressing myself in this way. This was a HUGE part of my life and who I was in my formative years. To have it back is a godsend. I've also met someone who makes me smile as soon as they say "Hi" almost everyday. They are sweet, generous, sensitive, and a whole source of other adjectives. Kip...you know, I'm not sure how much love I can feel for this man...each day it grows stronger and stronger. He's my foundation, he's my rock, he's my pillar, he's my support. This man knows me better than anyone else in the world. Recently someone accused us of having an unstable relationship....I think they are dead wrong. In fact, I think we have one of the strongest relationships that I know about (save our new friends) and I look forward to spending every single day of the rest of my life with him.
2010: I'm an evens person. I love even numbers. Therefore, this is MY year. Things will fall into place for me...there will be balance and harmony. And I will share it with those around me who have my respect, admiration, friendship and love.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Humiliation
Recently, at work, I've had the pleasure of feeling backed into a corner. Now, not much different from our four legged friends, when I feel backed into a corner, I tend to "fight back." In an effort to stop the barrage, I uttered a sentence that 1) I didn't mean as it was received and 2) I'll never forget. "XXXX, what do you want me to do, I am sitting here feeling like I can't do my job and I should give my two weeks notice." At that point, my two week's notice was accepted. But the barrage continued....until when asked why I didn't know something inside and out....I replied that during the time that this item was on my plate, I was working nearly 70 hours a week getting 7 high importance items launched....something was bound to fall through the cracks. This particular item...I knew there was someone else that knew it inside and out...we worked as a team...and did a great job!
So, I was sent home to think about if I wanted to "retract" the two weeks notice I never gave. The next morning, prepared to eat crow I felt I didn't deserve, I waited patiently for my VP to come in. He eventually showed up just at the start of our morning team meeting and proceeded to humiliate me in front of our entire team. It appears that my campaigns will be disbursed to the rest of the team and I will "sit with them and train." This was on the ninth month anniversary of my employment there. I was mortified, embarassed and humiliated. Had I resources available, I would have packed my stuff and left at that moment...but I need to be responsible. The humiliation continued throughout the next few hours. I was no longer the "lead Account Manager" on accounts that I have managed, grown and nurtured for nine months! I was to do the work, but others would make the decisions. And everyone knows about this...my coworkers are not stupid.
Knowing that I need this job, knowing that I like what I'm doing...and with the counsel of a great friend (thank you Mid), I decided to approach this as an opportunity to learn more. To take information from my co workers and apply it to what I'm doing. I know I do my job very well...but I also know I'm not perfect. Learning other ways to look at the data, presenting the data, and their processes...will not only help me when I'm struggling...but if I ever become a manager, it gives me a view of a different learning style.
Well, yesterday started...I did my end of week reports, then found out...after I sent them...they needed to be reviewed by the new "Lead AM's." This, however, wasn't communicated to me by my immediate supervisor. It appears that she's not talking to me. Ignoring someone is a sign of a stunted maturity in my opinion...especially if you are that person's manager. What kind of manager ignores their employees? How is that good management? What philosophy does that follow?
Everything happens for a reason....I need to believe that right now. I need to hold onto that. My "two week training period" seems an awful lot like a transition of power, so to speak. I suspect that after the first of the year, I'll be terminated. I don't need to be retrained. In fact, not too long ago, I was told how well I performed when training other people. They are merely setting themselves up so if I leave, their most challenging campaigns/clients will be taken care of. Good business sense maybe, poor people management.
So, I was sent home to think about if I wanted to "retract" the two weeks notice I never gave. The next morning, prepared to eat crow I felt I didn't deserve, I waited patiently for my VP to come in. He eventually showed up just at the start of our morning team meeting and proceeded to humiliate me in front of our entire team. It appears that my campaigns will be disbursed to the rest of the team and I will "sit with them and train." This was on the ninth month anniversary of my employment there. I was mortified, embarassed and humiliated. Had I resources available, I would have packed my stuff and left at that moment...but I need to be responsible. The humiliation continued throughout the next few hours. I was no longer the "lead Account Manager" on accounts that I have managed, grown and nurtured for nine months! I was to do the work, but others would make the decisions. And everyone knows about this...my coworkers are not stupid.
Knowing that I need this job, knowing that I like what I'm doing...and with the counsel of a great friend (thank you Mid), I decided to approach this as an opportunity to learn more. To take information from my co workers and apply it to what I'm doing. I know I do my job very well...but I also know I'm not perfect. Learning other ways to look at the data, presenting the data, and their processes...will not only help me when I'm struggling...but if I ever become a manager, it gives me a view of a different learning style.
Well, yesterday started...I did my end of week reports, then found out...after I sent them...they needed to be reviewed by the new "Lead AM's." This, however, wasn't communicated to me by my immediate supervisor. It appears that she's not talking to me. Ignoring someone is a sign of a stunted maturity in my opinion...especially if you are that person's manager. What kind of manager ignores their employees? How is that good management? What philosophy does that follow?
Everything happens for a reason....I need to believe that right now. I need to hold onto that. My "two week training period" seems an awful lot like a transition of power, so to speak. I suspect that after the first of the year, I'll be terminated. I don't need to be retrained. In fact, not too long ago, I was told how well I performed when training other people. They are merely setting themselves up so if I leave, their most challenging campaigns/clients will be taken care of. Good business sense maybe, poor people management.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Vacation......
My first day of vacation I found myself awake at 6:30am. My first thought was...what the hell??!?!?!? So, I shifted positions, my husband's arms around my waist, and practiced some deep breathing techniques in hopes that I would soon fall back to sleep and slumber until a more respectable vacation wake up time. 6:45am, and my mind is racing...I didn't finish reports for work, my kitchen needs to be cleaned up, the dining room "remodel" needs to be finished, I have to go to Auburn to get the new computer desk....STOP!!! I scream silently to myself. It's vacation....no worry zone!!
I close my eyes and try visualizing myself laying in the sun on a warm day. The heat radiating my face, seeping into my cells, my psyche, my soul, rejuvenating me. Muscles relaxing, mind relaxing....NOPE...7:00 am and I give in. Not able to take it anymore, I slip out of bed, get myself dressed in something more respectable than my birthday suit, and go out to the living room. My dining room is looking good with it's new coat of paint, my dining room table...now in the kitchen...is covered with various items: a monitor, cpu, keyboard, cups, salt and pepper shaker....but I make room for my laptop.
And the first thing I do is check my work email???? What is wrong with me? Well, given the volume of emails I receive in a day, it's probably good to at least check them....less catch up when I return to work. Right? Right? Ok, I am trying to convince myself. I admit it. I'm addicted to working...and I'm working on it...I really, really am. In fact, I shut down my work email. And now, I'm simply surfing the web, I forgot what that was like.
So, back to my story...I was sitting at the table, laptop powered up, cup of ice water to my right....and nothing else. I could hear every creak in the house. My niece snoring in the living room (I think she has sleep apnea.) The monitor heater occasionally turning on to heat the house. I think I even heard a mouse scampering through the walls...yes, we have mice. Please do not tell my mother. The dog was pacing upstairs, probably waiting for his boy to wake up and bring him outside.
About an hour later, movement started to become more pronounced. Matthew came downstairs. The dog started to ask to be brought out. My brother made coffee. Aaron turned on the computer in the living room. Coffee pot brewing, computer humming, people stretching, dogs whining....my house was waking up.
I've been alone in my home before, usually in the afternoons on Saturdays. Sitting at my table, iced water to my right, I enjoyed the sounds of my home waking up. That is a good way to start a vacation.
I close my eyes and try visualizing myself laying in the sun on a warm day. The heat radiating my face, seeping into my cells, my psyche, my soul, rejuvenating me. Muscles relaxing, mind relaxing....NOPE...7:00 am and I give in. Not able to take it anymore, I slip out of bed, get myself dressed in something more respectable than my birthday suit, and go out to the living room. My dining room is looking good with it's new coat of paint, my dining room table...now in the kitchen...is covered with various items: a monitor, cpu, keyboard, cups, salt and pepper shaker....but I make room for my laptop.
And the first thing I do is check my work email???? What is wrong with me? Well, given the volume of emails I receive in a day, it's probably good to at least check them....less catch up when I return to work. Right? Right? Ok, I am trying to convince myself. I admit it. I'm addicted to working...and I'm working on it...I really, really am. In fact, I shut down my work email. And now, I'm simply surfing the web, I forgot what that was like.
So, back to my story...I was sitting at the table, laptop powered up, cup of ice water to my right....and nothing else. I could hear every creak in the house. My niece snoring in the living room (I think she has sleep apnea.) The monitor heater occasionally turning on to heat the house. I think I even heard a mouse scampering through the walls...yes, we have mice. Please do not tell my mother. The dog was pacing upstairs, probably waiting for his boy to wake up and bring him outside.
About an hour later, movement started to become more pronounced. Matthew came downstairs. The dog started to ask to be brought out. My brother made coffee. Aaron turned on the computer in the living room. Coffee pot brewing, computer humming, people stretching, dogs whining....my house was waking up.
I've been alone in my home before, usually in the afternoons on Saturdays. Sitting at my table, iced water to my right, I enjoyed the sounds of my home waking up. That is a good way to start a vacation.
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