Letting go...is never easy. It could be finally accepting the death of a loved one and letting the pain go, allowing a child grow and move on to adulthood, saying good bye to someone you love who isn't there for you anymore or letting go of a friendship that just isn't good for you. Whatever it is...there are steps everyone must go through to get a place of acceptance and peace. It takes courage, strength and the right frame of mind.
One of my New Year's Resolutions was to take a good look at the relationships I have with others. I've spent a lot of time the last few weeks really analyzing my interactions with other people, trying to understand my role in the relationships....my strengths, my weaknesses, my important contributions. Self reflection is never a bad thing, but I tend to let mine paralyze me. I tend to see things through extremely critical eyes (especially myself)...and I've learned that I will almost always take the blame to stop an argument. Or maybe I take the blame because no matter how toxic the relationship is...I can't stand to let it go and move forward. This is probably partly because I'm a Leo and loyal to the end...no matter who that loyalty is focused on.
So, over the last 4-5 weeks I've been doing an inventory of sorts...I know it's a cold sounding term, but I really took stock in those closest to me. Why am I close with them? Do they make me feel good about myself? Do they not? Do I contribute in a positive or negative manner in their lives? Do they contribute positively or negatively in mine? Am I friends with them because they are a connection to someone else? Is this a relationship that is worthy of a no-holds barred connection? Can I be honest with them? Can I accept honesty from them? Are they really more of an acquaintance and not the close friend I keep wanting them to be?
Added to this, and as I've maybe noted in previous posts, I have spent my entire life putting other people and their feelings ahead of mine. It's detrimental to my psyche and I'm starting to see this. Everyone is egocentric to a point, and we should be. Our world should revolve, to some degree, around us. It's all well and good to ensure the safety, sanity and well being of others...but not at the cost of ignoring your own. This has been my life lesson the last year or so...and I'm ready to take that lesson and apply it to my life.
As a result, I've redefined the relationships that I have with some people. I've either stepped back or let go of the toxic relationships that I allowed to cause me harm. Note, I said "I allowed to cause me harm." You see, I'm adult and enlightened enough to be able to take responsibility for my actions. I let people take me for granted. I let people continue to walk all over me. I let people forget that I have valid feelings that need resolution. I place myself in these situations and then struggle to "fix them." You can't fix what is unfix-able...you can only fix you.
I have finally figured out it's time to "let go" (or redefine) of some relationships. And I believe I have the strength to make these changes. Some people aren't (or won't be) happy with me...or the changes they see in me. But the important thing here is that I'm finally placing importance on myself and doing good by me. I now have to find the strength to accept this about myself and enforce myself to follow it.
