Disconnecting to Reconnect

Two children turning 18, one going into the US Navy. A parent passing away. Four moves in less than a year. Health scares. New job. Car problems. Graduate School. Terminally ill parent. And a special new baby being born.  That is a quick summary of the last 24 months.  A lot of stress and pressure to build up until your whole world bursts.

All it took was one week, seven days, to relieve that pressure. We left on May 9th, turned the data off on our phones and disconnected from our entire world.  No text messages, no emails, no facebook, no phone calls.  Just Kip and I. I expected a long week of bickering and disagreements.  I expected that our very varied interests wouldn't compliment each other and we'd spend time looking at each other wonder just what the hell to do next. After 27 years as a couple, and many of those surrounded by lots of other people, I feared that we just wouldn't know what to do with our self-imposed isolation from our world.

Every 5-10 years our relationship goes through another evolution.  The last one, we finally allowed ourselves to accept that we, and each other, were no longer that 14 girl and 17 year old boy. We allowed ourselves, and each other, to grow up...and discovered that we actually not only still loved each other but we LIKED each other.  This evolution was about the transition into our "middle ages."  Our nest will be empty.  Our parents are aging. After 20+ years of focused attention on two boys who needed our love, guidance and support...we know have a little less focus there.  Where does it go?  How do you cope with the next stage in your life?  Well, the answer is simple: TOGETHER.  We're not joined at the hip by any stretch of the imagination and enjoy many activities that the other does not.  But when it comes right down to it, we walk this path side by side. Sometimes I'm in front, sometimes Kip is in front, but when it matters we are hand in hand, side by side.

We disconnected from our world and reconnected with each other that further cements our solid foundation, mutual admiration and respect, and deep rooted, unwavering love.  I couldn't have asked for a better lifemate!

Milestones and the Empty Nest

Greetings Dear Reader!

Two posts in the same year....you must be wondering what the hell is going on in my head if I'm actually going to have a post two months apart!

Life is about learning and growing and moving on.  A lot of milestones and passages are occurring all around me, the last few years have been full of them! My best friend is having her first baby at the age of 47.  Yes, 47!!!  Believing that this was an experience she would never have, she was surprised to find out that she was 5 1/2 months pregnant.  The baby's expected delivery date is May 12th...my 24th wedding anniversary.  I guess I can't yell at her for not even getting us a card, huh?

My oldest will be twenty at the end of summer and is experiencing some adult joys and disappointments.  He's handling them with strength and grace. He hasn't been home in four months, not the longest absence, but still a long time to be away from home.  This time around, he's adapting more quickly.  He doesn't complain about hating his duty station or the general area as much as he did the first few times he came home.  Bittersweet, if you ask me.  I always want him to miss being home.  But I also want him to pave his own road, make his own and be independent.  Even if that means I am too far away to go running to his side when he has a car accident. (Yep, that did happen and thankfully, he was ok.  Still hurts when you can't check the boo boos yourself.)

That vacation I mentioned in my last post?  16 days away!!!  We won't have a carte blanche vacation.  But seriously, Kip and I are fairly low maintenance and don't need to eat at the best places, buy the "expensive" jewelry or take that submarine dive.  We just need time to disconnect and be us.  It's the perfect way to culiminate a tough two years.

Graduate school...OH MY GOD!  I didn't realize just how taxing it would be.  I'm nearly done my first class, and truthfully, I should be preparing my power point presentation rather than blogging.  But I have learned so much in six weeks! I can't wait to see what the rest of this program brings.

The biggest milestones happening in our life this year are that our youngest son is turning 18 (in a few days) and going to college.  I'm not sure which surprises me more. That he actually made it to 18 without me damaging him or that he's going to college!  He was not the child I expected to go to college.  He's barely making it through high school.  We had a tour of his school last week and I've got to say, I'm really impressed.  Mostly with him. He's really matured a lot in the last few years.  He's more of a responsible adult than most of the people five to ten years older than him.  He has a lot of growing and learning left to do...but he's really pulled himself around and I don't think I need to worry as much.  I'll still worry, I am a mom after all...just not about as much.

We'll have an "empty nest."  Our boys will be far enough away that planning days in advance needs to occur.  No quick trips up the road to get that hug from both of them.  That will be the hardest part for me.  But, I know that this is a normal progression and I am most certainly not the first mom to deal with it. We'll have an empty nest, but never an empty heart.  We've passed as much knowledge and experience on as we could...now it's time for both of our boys....no, our young men....to see what they can do with it.  To so what they can experience and learn.  Fly high and safe...and never forget where your nest is!

Balance

Hello dear Reader,  it's been awhile, I know.  Suffice it to say that June 2012 to November 2013 was a very, very trying time for me.  Finances were a mess.  We moved not once, not twice, not three times...but four times. I got diagnosed with degenerative disc disease after being in excruciating pain for weeks. I finally quit that horrible company I worked for.  I started a new job. My oldest son entered his adulthood by joining the US Navy.  And perhaps most importantly, my father passed away.

Life sucked.  Nothing seemed to be good. Everything was crashing down around me and I didn't know where to turn. Some friendships turned out to be very disappointing.  The loss of my dad and my oldest son, my "mini me," leaving for his new adventures left me looking at the rest of my life and wondering just what the hell was I going to do.  How to move forward? How to make sense of all the chaos?

Balance was the key....I needed to find balance. I needed to balance the good with the bad.  I need to take an inventory of people, things, stuff in my life and see where each lay.  And I found that so much stuff was on the bad side that I was constantly falling off my personal, metaphysical, balance beam.

Step 1: Remove the bad stuff you CAN control.  I ended some relationships that were very toxic. I tackled some financial stuff. I ended employment with a company that cared less about it's human capital than a Chinese sweatshop. I uncluttered my life physically by getting rid of unwanted stuff in my living space. I stopped a lifestyle choice that wasn't working for me or my family.  I started watching the food I put in my mouth. True, I still have some financial issues and my son being gone and my dad passing still hurt more than I can express....but I can't control some of these.

Step 2: Foster the good stuff you CAN control. I started to cultivate and nurture my healthy relationships beginning with myself, moving onto my husband, children, my mother, my best friend and those friends that I really kept on the outside looking in.  I opened myself up a little bit. I did an in depth analysis of our finances.  I saw where we were needlessly spending money.  I saw where I could actually start working on paying old credit problems and get them off my credit report. I got a new job at a company that I LOVE!  The benefits are awesome, my coworkers rock and I can see me being here for a LONG time. I started walking and joined a gym.  I continue to organize my physical living space. And you know those issues I can't control?  I try my hardest to let them go.

Step 3: Maintain the balance while growing.  Not easy for sure.  But, I'm starting classes next month to pursue my graduate degree. I can't express just how much I LOVE learning.  I could be a professional student if I had unlimited financial resources. Kip and I are taking our first ever vacation...in twenty four years of marriage! I'm fostering some new relationships and fostering my place in my work life. I'm planning on doing a few 5K's this year. Mostly, I'm taking things with a little more of a grain of salt than I used to.

I'd like to see that these changes are starting to be noticed. I'm looking better.  I'm feeling better, physically and mentally. I have a confidence I never really had before.  And each day, I continue to try to take stock in my life and continue to keep things balanced.

2014 is the year for balance.