Music plays a large role in my life...it always has and always will. Every song has a meaning. Every rhythm speaks to your psyche. I love to share my passion for music with others. I love for them to hear what I'm hearing...to feel what I'm feeling...to experience something together. Joy, laughter, hurt, sorrow, anger, love.....it's part of what sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. Feelings and sharing.....a combination that makes our world seem a little closer.
As you may have surmised, dear reader, the last few months I've had some bumps and bruises....and just about the time that I finally started putting a stop to the madness...my boys got me the latest Adele CD for Mother's Day. It's become an anthem of sorts for me....there so much feeling. Her voices is so soulful and brings me to a place where I can just think, process, and deal. If I could dedicate one album to you (and there are definitely some songs meant for particular people who may or may not be reading my blog) I would dedicate this album. Even if you don't like soulful, thought provoking music...just listen. Take a moment, sit back...close your eyes and listen.
I hope you can hear what I hear. I hope those of you that know me more intimately can really hear my message. I hope you see that this is a healing album for me. I've let go of a lot of stuff over the last few weeks...I took a step back from a few things...and have had time to reflect. That reflection has brought calmness and clarity to my life. I see some things so much more clearly. I see where I've hurt myself....and where I've allowed others to hurt me. I hope those that know me on a personal level have seen this change.
Dear Reader, if you do anything for me this year....listen to this album. As always, thank you for reading.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Cosmic Meanderings
Nearly half the year of 2011 is over Dear Reader. Odd numbered years aren't typically good for me (see an earlier post)....and so far, this one isn't looking much better. I have had so many downs...and so few ups. I've had so many revelations and some eye opening moments. As we are bearing down on the half way mark, I've realized that I have surrounded myself with a few good people and a few toxic people...and I have to ask myself why??? Why am I allowing the toxic people to take precedence and the good people to take a back burner???
I think the answer comes in my lack of self-worth. I have self-confidence...I know I can accomplish most anything. I know I have self-esteem...I know that I am not a bad person. I know that I am innately good. But somehow...I find myself dealing with people who are self-centered and cannot see beyond their bubble. They surround themselves with people who allow them to remain in their bubble...we must not EVER burst their bubble!!! EVER!!!! Bursting their bubble, holding a mirror up to their faces...forces them to come to terms with reality...they cannot handle reality. They will crumble inside of themselves because they are not strong enough...they are never strong enough...to deal with reality.
I think that I ultimately don't believe that I deserve better than that. Or rather, I used to feel that way. I'm so very tired of having conflict with other people and I am the only one who accepts responsibility. (I can offer examples if you'd like...I've kept the emails, chats and kept journal entries.) I don't want to live in a bubble. I don't want to think the world revolves around me. I don't want to think the creation in my head is reality. I want reality..with all of it's bumps and bruises. I want to feel every disappointment, every hurt, every tear, every laughter, every smile and every moment of love.
It's when these people start attacking those that I love, that I turn ugly. It's when these people starting blaming those that I love, that I turn ugly. Ugly solves nothing...I'm struggling (although not entirely successful) to not turn ugly in this war of words, war of wits, and war of bubbles.
You love deeply, dear reader! Whether that love is intimate love, friend love, or just love...it is still held deeply. When that love is destroyed because the other side cannot see their part in the pain....it's sad. It can cripple you. You are measured more by what happens after you are crippled. Let's hope I'm doing the right thing, dear reader.
I think the answer comes in my lack of self-worth. I have self-confidence...I know I can accomplish most anything. I know I have self-esteem...I know that I am not a bad person. I know that I am innately good. But somehow...I find myself dealing with people who are self-centered and cannot see beyond their bubble. They surround themselves with people who allow them to remain in their bubble...we must not EVER burst their bubble!!! EVER!!!! Bursting their bubble, holding a mirror up to their faces...forces them to come to terms with reality...they cannot handle reality. They will crumble inside of themselves because they are not strong enough...they are never strong enough...to deal with reality.
I think that I ultimately don't believe that I deserve better than that. Or rather, I used to feel that way. I'm so very tired of having conflict with other people and I am the only one who accepts responsibility. (I can offer examples if you'd like...I've kept the emails, chats and kept journal entries.) I don't want to live in a bubble. I don't want to think the world revolves around me. I don't want to think the creation in my head is reality. I want reality..with all of it's bumps and bruises. I want to feel every disappointment, every hurt, every tear, every laughter, every smile and every moment of love.
It's when these people start attacking those that I love, that I turn ugly. It's when these people starting blaming those that I love, that I turn ugly. Ugly solves nothing...I'm struggling (although not entirely successful) to not turn ugly in this war of words, war of wits, and war of bubbles.
You love deeply, dear reader! Whether that love is intimate love, friend love, or just love...it is still held deeply. When that love is destroyed because the other side cannot see their part in the pain....it's sad. It can cripple you. You are measured more by what happens after you are crippled. Let's hope I'm doing the right thing, dear reader.
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