The second Monday of my unemployed status. Jobs applied for. Now, I can sit back and reflect on my weekend. Every year, the Saturday after Thanksgiving, I have a celebration of my own...this allows my entire family to be with me and also to give my mother in law the opportunity to spend the actual holiday with us.
I almost cancelled my party this year...with the loss of my job, financial upheaval, and overall cranky attitude...I thought maybe it would be best to throw a turkey in the oven, peel some potatoes and set the table for six instead of seventeen. A little bit of quiet...a little bit of solitude...and a whole lot of isolation. But, knowing that giving into those feelings would only deepen my depression...I kept the party going. And I'm very grateful that I did. A total of twenty-one people were in my small, humble home on Saturday. And I am thankful for each and every one of them. I'm thankful for those around me helping me to boost my spirits...and move forward.
There were a few notables missing. I wish I could have made it possible for them to join me. I don't know what I'd do to make that possible for a few of them. There is always next year.
Onwards to positive changes....
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
Work
In an earlier post, I allowed my self to accept the definition of who I am to be a part of someone else's life. But there's a very important part of me...work. I love to work. I'm the quintessential, Type A, workaholic. I take a large amount of pride of going to work, doing work, doing a great job and impressing my supervisor's, coworkers and clients (if applicable.) I can think outside the box. I can put in as many hours as you need for me to get something accomplished.
I love higher level thinking tasks, but use mundane things like data entry for problem solving time.
That being said, I was let go from my job yesterday for "perpetrating gossip." Now, I'm not exactly sure what that means...or how others in my office, specifically two individuals, escaped this. I work in an office with 9 women and one man...the man is the boss/owner. In one week, three of us were terminated...three very different reasons. I was the last. An office full of women.....and there's to be no gossip???? I guess what there really shouldn't be is the back-stabbing, finger pointing, tattle telling part of the gossip that happened. Did I engage in the act...yep, I was part of conversations that discussed other people, policies we didn't like, actions by our boss that we were concerned about. Was I perpetrating these discussions...nope...these women came to me! Did we all have valid concerns...absolutely. Should we have addressed these to the boss? Probably, but he's set himself as unapproachable with anything like this...so we conversed with each other. Given the climate, I guess a few were more worried about their own asses and had to throw someone under the bus. Karma's a bitch ladies!
I don't know what to do without having work to do. I've been in and out of tears since yesterday...and as most of you know...I just don't cry. I'm devastated. I worked my ass off for that man. Dozens of 50+ hour weeks. Client calls when no one was taking them. Working on reports when no one else but the boss was doing them. Now, I've got nothing! Nada. Zip. Zilch...except a dwindling bank account and a lot of free time. Tears that no one is around to dry...and a feeling of worthlessness. This will pass, I know it will...but damn, I'm more pissed that I have no work to do than that the stupid, fucked up reason I was let go!
I love higher level thinking tasks, but use mundane things like data entry for problem solving time.
That being said, I was let go from my job yesterday for "perpetrating gossip." Now, I'm not exactly sure what that means...or how others in my office, specifically two individuals, escaped this. I work in an office with 9 women and one man...the man is the boss/owner. In one week, three of us were terminated...three very different reasons. I was the last. An office full of women.....and there's to be no gossip???? I guess what there really shouldn't be is the back-stabbing, finger pointing, tattle telling part of the gossip that happened. Did I engage in the act...yep, I was part of conversations that discussed other people, policies we didn't like, actions by our boss that we were concerned about. Was I perpetrating these discussions...nope...these women came to me! Did we all have valid concerns...absolutely. Should we have addressed these to the boss? Probably, but he's set himself as unapproachable with anything like this...so we conversed with each other. Given the climate, I guess a few were more worried about their own asses and had to throw someone under the bus. Karma's a bitch ladies!
I don't know what to do without having work to do. I've been in and out of tears since yesterday...and as most of you know...I just don't cry. I'm devastated. I worked my ass off for that man. Dozens of 50+ hour weeks. Client calls when no one was taking them. Working on reports when no one else but the boss was doing them. Now, I've got nothing! Nada. Zip. Zilch...except a dwindling bank account and a lot of free time. Tears that no one is around to dry...and a feeling of worthlessness. This will pass, I know it will...but damn, I'm more pissed that I have no work to do than that the stupid, fucked up reason I was let go!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
For a Friend
He stands atop an emerald knoll,
Eyes to the sky, searching for an answer.
He stands atop a jade hilltop,
Eyes to the partner crests, searching for a soul.
Scouring the valleys for the one he's missing,
Eyes squinted for increased focus, searching for that comfort.
The warmth of a breath, the solace of a kind word, the joy of gratitude,
The support of an embrace. Longing to feel those again, alive again.
Warmth radiates from above with the evaporation of the murky sky,
Replaced with brilliant sunlight.
He stands atop a dune, face turned up, red with heat.
Feeling the warmth of a missing breath, the solace of a kind word, the joy of gratitude,
The support of an embrace...feeling the missing, knowing he's alive....and never alone.
Eyes to the sky, searching for an answer.
He stands atop a jade hilltop,
Eyes to the partner crests, searching for a soul.
Scouring the valleys for the one he's missing,
Eyes squinted for increased focus, searching for that comfort.
The warmth of a breath, the solace of a kind word, the joy of gratitude,
The support of an embrace. Longing to feel those again, alive again.
Warmth radiates from above with the evaporation of the murky sky,
Replaced with brilliant sunlight.
He stands atop a dune, face turned up, red with heat.
Feeling the warmth of a missing breath, the solace of a kind word, the joy of gratitude,
The support of an embrace...feeling the missing, knowing he's alive....and never alone.
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